I would give you a kidney
by Stormydee
Summary: if you've seen choreographed youknow the line, its not Elliot who needs the kidney, and its not just a kidney, how far will she go to help her partner,and what secrets will she keep. read and Review, I suck at summeries.
1. Chapter 1

**So first SVU story, its kind of random. I just watched the episode Choreographed and had a random brain wave. So tried it, and it is interesting. Reviews are loved, let me know how you like it, its just going to be a short one I think .**

**Disclaimer: Owned by Dick Wolf, I own nothing**

She watched Elliot, it was easy to see the stress that was building and did not know the cause of it. He refused to talk about it and slipped away as soon as shift was over, and had been for the past two weeks. Olivia knew that she wasn't the only one to notice, they all had.

Now as he drove she could see the stress lines in his forehead, it looked like days had passed since he had slept. In the few minute she had been watching him he had checked his cell four times; another change.

"Elliot, what is worrying you so much?" The cases have been fairly tame this week, not like some of the ones they got; it couldn't be work.

"Just family stuff, the usual." He tossed her what he probably though t to be a reassuring smile; it just pushed her to dig deeper.

"Don't lie to me, you suck at it. Its not the usual stuff because you tell me about that. The usual stuff doesn't stress you out that much and it doesn't make you run out after shift either." His face visibly fell and she knew he was caving.

Shifting the car into park he stared at the dash, he knew Olivia wanted to know and would want t help. But she would be able to do less then him, no body had the right blood, well he had but this stupid problem came from him. He knew that she probably wouldn't leave him alone but he wanted to try; talking was far to overrated when your kids were at deaths door.

"Liv, drop it, its my business and my problem, not yours."

The edge to his voice tipped her off, this pain went deep. "No,its eating at you and even if I cant do anything I can listen so that you aren't going at it alone."

He was quiet for a long time, she could hear the self loathing in his voice when he finally spoke. "There is nothing you can do there's nothing I can do. I have to watch my girls fade because of organ failure; and I could help them I have the right blood type but it comes from my side of the family so they wont let do it. Nobody else has the same blood type as Maureen and Kathleen, but me and I cant help them."

He sat quietly holding the key in the ignition,she watched knowing he was trying not to cry in front of her.

"Shifts almost over, if you go to the hospital tonight I'll come, you need somebody Elliot."

He nodded and they headed into the precinct to finish paperwork, while Olivia weighed the pros and cons of a tough decision she only had a little bit of time to make.

She knew that Elliot was forgetting that they were the same blood type; meaning she was a potential match for the girls. If he couldn't help them maybe she could. Filing her report she headed for Craegen's office, she only had a few minutes until Elliot would want to leave.

When she shut the door the Captain looked up and she cut to the chase. "How much notice do you need to be put on medical leave?"

"I guess that depends on the situation, whats this about?" He blinked

" I would rather not get into detail, I don't have a date or anything confirmed I am just concerned that I will get very little notice and be able to give you even less."

He nodded obviously trying to find an appropriate answer; with out blurting out his questions. " Well arrangement would be made if needed, Live tell me whats going on though; I want to know and they guys will too we care Olivia."

"I know but just let me figure it all out myself first." She was touched by his concern.

When shift was over Elliot immediately hightailed it for his car, if she hadn't been ready he probably would have forgot her. At the hospital she learned that Kathleen and Maureen had rooms across from each other.

There was a nurse in with Kathleen so Elliot went to talk to Maureen, completely forgetting Olivia; which worked just fine. She watched Elliot and his daughter for a moment. The girl had lost so much weight and looked frail, sad and vulnerable in that bed and it pulled on her heart. She almost missed the nurse leaving and had to jog to catch up with the woman in blue scrubs.

"Hi I'm Olivia Benson, I would with Elliot Stabler. Could I be tested against the girls to see if I match? I know its a long shot but I have the same blood type as Elliot, A positive and I just thought there might be a chance."

The nurse nodded. "At this point we'll test anybody, they don't have much time left it hit hard and fast; there is a history of vital organ failure in women in their fathers family. We were told that they had been put on the waiting list, and that is sad because people are on it for years and they have so little time, we didn't think there was anyone else to be tested. I'll take blood and put a rush on it, because of the circumstances we should know in about a half hour."

She was lead to an exam room, the nurse left and then returned with an assortment of things. " I pulled your medical history, I hope that's okay, you don't have personal doctor so the file is kept at the hospital. Your blood type does make it look promising. I will draw blood for the test then do a full physical so that if you do match the doctor can prepare immediately. Do you know which girl you were considering for, I know it would be a hard choice and well I spoke to the doctor briefly and she thinks if you are healthy and willing we could retrieve for both, but that would lay you up for a long time; but it is cleared."

" Both , they are both to young to die." She was relieved that they wouldn't make her chose which stabler to help if it came down to it.

The nurse chatted as she prepped the a needle. The only useful thing that she learned was that both girls had taken a bad turn very suddenly. They hadn't known about Maureen's kidney failure but Kathleen had always had problems with her liver, she had nose dived first and they assumed the stress set Maureen off. They had deteriorated fast, and suddenly, and that organ failure was common for women in Elliot's family, but the genetic disorder was treatable as long as new tissue and blood transplant was available; hence after the donation they would be fine as long as their body's accepted the organs.

The nurse drew three vials of blood, handed her a container for urine sample and left, presumably to take the the blood for testing. When the nurse returned Olivia tolerated being poked and prodded everywhere. The woman checked her chest, joints, basically everything. Buy the time she was done Olivia wanted to deck her, the woman had been thorough, more than necessary but hopefully it was all she needed. It had all taken forty five minutes before the woman had proclaimed her in excellent health and scurried off for results.

Olivia used this as a chance to sneak a look at her file. She knew there would be nothing about her father, seeing as no one knew who he was but she was curious if the nurse would have noted her mother's alcoholism. She had, it was right there alongside her height weight and vitals. The door creaked as though someone was going to open it so she sat back down. The door opened and a different person paused in the door way, finishing a conversation over her shoulder.

"Olivia, I am Dr. Evens we have your results back, because of our time frame we want to operate as soon as possible, and I am glad to say you are a match. Your tox screen was clean and your physical is great so so I am hoping you want to go through with this."

She modded, watching the woman read her file; she didn't like sharing personal information or being in the room as they read it.

" Alright if you want to change into a gown or just push your shirt up I'd like to do an ultra sound and some poking around. I know the nurse already did a bit of it but things go better if I'm not cutting blind." She gestured that Olivia should mover to the exam table.

Laying back on the table she untucked her blouse and pushed it up. The doctor pushed it up a bit more, then opened her pants.

"Okay, this will be cold."

When the gel touched her stomach she flinched; cold was the right word. The doctor trailed the probe over her stomach and sides, adding gel and freezing images; it was actually clear. Usually people had to go twelve hours without food, Olivia had unconsciously done that with the exception of coffee which didn't seem to be effecting it.

She set the machine aside. "So this is likely where I'll cut it will be a fairly long incision, I'm going to take this lobe of you liver." She pushed on the skin of her stomach, and pointed to the screen, showing how the three lobes and then switched to a other picture showing more to the left.

"Its been proved to regenerate the fastest. Then I am afraid I will make another incision, we are going to take the kidney on your dominant side. Both of your kidneys look good but the left one has thicker connective tissue from the looks of it. We want to try and take some of that tissue if all goes well we should be able to do it from the incision already on that side if not, I will have to make a third incision."

The doctor switched to another image and pulled a second one up on the screen so she could see. Then poked, pushing hard into each of her sides. "You have a lot of deep muscle tissue in your abdomen, that is good for us but harder on you. Muscle will heal faster than fat, but the girls have lost so much weight that I was hoping to impose on you. Generally it is easier to operate through muscle, but recovery will be more uncomfortable, shorter but unpleasant."

Olivia nodded, this was sinking in, she would be laid up for a while, and they were going to cut into her; and she had to go through with it. The doctors words puzzled her for a minute. "I'm sorry but what were you hoping to impose?"

"Fat, they have lost so much weight, normally it isn't a problem. People generally have extra fat in their abdomens and if the recipient is extremely under weight we take some from the doer just to give the recipient a push in the right direction, you mostly have muscle,it would be done through the same incision, but I don't feel comfortable doing that in your situation."

"How will that change things for the girls?" Maybe finding one reason as to why she should skip her workout regimen every now and again.

" It will make their recovery longer, gaining weight would help them, give their bodies new stores to work from so that they could recover at their own speed when it came to liquid or solid food and movement, in the best case scenario a person undergoing this surgery would have enough body fat to deal with this and we might take a little extra. In their case they have already used their bodies fat recesses and will look to a new source, most likely muscle tissue."

" So that will just mess them up longer, why cant you? Look they've been dealing with it longer, and their family has already been torn up enough, they need some peace. Can you take the fat from somewhere else, I don't care where."

The doctor let out a low whistle and gestured for her to lay back down. " I can, you know these guys pretty well, most people would have said one girl or the other, you say both , and an extra incision. Give me a minute."

Olivia lay out and the doctor pressed her sides and worked down over her hips to her knee. Then bent her knee up and worked down the back of her thigh. " Okay so I can, it would be two incisions, and I would prefer to do it before the main one. Lets work it this way, you are sure on being a doner so I am going to go and talk to the Stabler's, get the consent form and let you think. I'll leave you the paperwork for the procedure and when I come back we can go ahead with it if you're sure if not I will draw blood and get you a room."

"When you tell them could you neglect my name,I'll tell them but I would rather wait."

The doctor nodded and turned for the door, then paused and turned back. " Olivia I know this probably isn't what you need to hear and I am not really the person you need to hear it from but its people like you who change lives. You are going to change and save these girls lives, and save me from having to give them bad news. Thank you for that."

She glanced down at the papers in front of her, not being able to form words to give an answer. Finishing the paper work she took her cell and texted Elliot.' hey sorry I left, I just thought you needed some time with your girls, I headed home. Hope you have an okay night. See ya round, I have to take some time off I will be back in a few weeks. Don t worry . I hope the girls will be alright.'

Then dialed the Captain's number, now she literally would have to eat a bullet. "Hey Captain its Olivia, I need to be on that leave as of now. If its not possible pull my vacation days."

" Can you give me a reason to put on the line?" Cragen sounded surprised.

"Surgery"

"What kind of surgery Olivia? That what they will want to know when its processed."

"Its invasive"

"Fine Liv, I'll put that on the form but now I'm asking as a friend, whats wrong?"

She could hear the hurt in his voice."Sorry but I'm not talking about it, I don't feel like feeding the rumor mill."

"Look if you tell me you can count on it staying with me, I'm asking because you are my friend and my detective. I want to know whats going on. I want to help you and I know the guys will to."

"Sorry, I just don't want to discuss it. And leave the guys out of it."

"You think Elliot will take that well? He's your partner and you aren't going to tell him anything?'

"No." He was the last person she planned to explain this too, he would find out she knew that, but she wanted time first. He needed time with his family, not to be thinking about her. If all went well he wouldn't know about the real reason for her leave until he had some family time, and was back at work with Munch down his neck; and then she would get heck from all the guys.

"Will there be anybody waiting for you to come out or get updates?"

"No"

"Have you told anyone anything?"

"Next to my surgeon you know the most." This was hard, she did not like keeping secrets from her unit.

"You wont tell me where you are so I can come and be there for you, or send Munch or some body so you will have company?"

"Again no. I will be fine, give me three weeks then I will be back on desk duty and ready for the field in four."

He sounded hurt and she felt guilty. "Fine Elliot is on the other line, I wont say anything to him but he will start to sniff around as soon as he realizes you wont talk to anyone."

He would and she didn't know how he would react when he found the truth.

She closed her cell as the door opened.


	2. Chapter 2

**So next chapter, I'm no doctor so this stuff is all made up. Anyways reviews help. Thanks to everybody who has reviewed**

**Im sorry that I suck at spelling and grammer so all mistakes are mine**

**Disclaimer: I dont own anything **

The doctor entered, and pulled a chair over next to her. "They are very happy, I sort of wish I could have let you tell them. We hope to operate in the morning, I don't know where we will be yet but we are on the priority list so we will get something."

"Thats good, here's the forms. Do you have the last one?"She slid the stack of paper work across the table.

"I do, right now we don't have an operating room available so I would proceed in here, are you sure?"

Olivia nodded and filled out the form, glad that she was a consenting adult which made the process much easier.

"okay, I am going to draw blood first, then send a nurse to get the equipment and I'll prep you, I take it this is your first surgery?"

"Yea, I guess Im sort of jumping into things." The woman nodded and took the papers and stepped into the hall.

She returned and slid a needle into her arm, Olivia watched the bag fill with deep red blood. As the bag filled the doctor spread a sheet over the exam table and set a pillow at one end. Then unhooked the bag of blood and attached a IV of fluid.

'This is going to numb you so that you wont feel anything, I don't want to give you anything to powerful because of what we are going to use tomorrow. When this stuff sets in all your nerve endings will be numb, you wont feel anything. I'm going to put you on oxygen but not give you an sedative to knock you out; you will have plenty of that tomorrow. So if you will put on a gown and climb up I will give you another injection in the are where we will be working just to be sure its painless, if at any point you register pain or discomfort just tell me and we will give you some more okay?"

Olivia nodded, then changed into the gown and folded her clothes on the chair.

"okay climb up, and lay on your stomach." The doctor pulled the IV pole over with her.

When she stretched out she felt the doctor lay a cloth over her knees and flip open the back of her gown. She heard the door open and turned her head in time to see the nurse enter with a cart of stuff. The doctor came up and put and oxygen tube in her nose.

"Okay Olivia, feel where my hand is? I going to trace the pattern I cut just so you know, we are going to work on the sides of your legs so that you can lay on your back comfortably."

She felt the doctor trace along each of her thighs, and then across to her inner thighs. She swallowed the bile in her throat, feeling a sudden hesitancy about going through with this but she nodded and settled her head on the pillow. She felt a needle pierce her leg, and then another on the other side after that nothing. She could hear the doctor and nurse talking but it was she didn't understand much of what they were saying. She found that her body was truly numb, she couldn't feel anything they were doing, but it was taking a long time. From her spot she could see the clock, it was almost three hours before the nurse left and Dr. Evens helped her sit up.

" Okay Olivia, we're done, I'm going to take you to your room."

The doctor helped her stand and move to a wheel chair. She noticed that the room number was 616, the girls were down in 103 and 105.

"Olivia, I need you to talk to me , tell me how you feel." The doctor helped her settle into bed.

" I'm alright, I feel a little out of it but I'm good. Did you get enough for the girls?"

The doctor raised her eyebrows. "Aren't you a piece of work, yes we did, enough for both girls for now and during recovery. I want you to rest, is there anyone you want called? I know this was thrown on you rather fast."

" no, its okay." she turned her head, the hospital bed was surprisingly comfortable and she was tired and exhausted.

"Okay Olivia I'm going to let you get some sleep, someone will be in early in the morning to take blood and put you under. You will be in surgery for most of the day, we are putting an enormous strain on your body so when you wake up we will get through routine questions and then let you sleep. The next morning I'll come by and do a post op exam."

Olivia nodded,her body hurt and she just wanted sleep. She felt a hand brushing her cheek but she didn't bother to turn. She heard a soft whisper next to her ear, warm breath on her cheek. "Thank you, I wish more people had a heart like you." a soft hand cupped her cheek for a minute, "I wish there had been someone like you there for my little girl."Olivia still didn't react, her body wanted sleep, yet she wanted to know what the woman had gone through.

Morning came and with it a nurse and needles, shortly after she drifted into oblivion; understanding that they were going to cut on her.

* * *

At the station house Cragen tried to fend off Munch's questions while Fin watched quietly; in a way he felt that Olivia had rejected them by not allowing them to know what she was dealing with. All night he had considered different ways to go about finding answers, he had filled out the paperwork but as he had written the words invasive surgery on the form he thought how alone she would be. It was common knowledge that Olivia had no family, there would be no one waiting for updates on how it went, if something went wrong he didn't know who they would contact; who she would have listed as next of kin. She would be alone when she woke up and that bothered him, that and the fact Munch was sure that something was very wrong, more than she was telling them. And he agreed it was unlike Olivia to shut them all out, usually she would at least keep Elliot in the loop.

"What if its something life threatening or, worse she has been sick and never told us... mm maybe she is.."

"Munch she asked for three weeks off to have surgery, then shes promised to be back on a desk and in the field after four. She plans to live." He glanced up as the door swung open and was surprised to see Elliot.

"I'm just getting some files to read over while I wait, cant stand just sitting in that hospital waiting to hear if its going to work out or not." He walked to his desk and chose some files.

"so she told you but not us. What does she think..."

"Munch Elliot's daughters have surgery today, it not Benson." Cragen cut off the ramblings but saw that Elliot had perked. "Olivia has taken a medical leave and she would like her business to remain private but John has a problem with it. Now whats the news on your girls?"

" it looks good, the doctor found a live donor, the woman has already given blood and tissue to give the girls a boost, the surgery on the woman will have started already my girls go in a little later. Kathy is with them now so I thought I would slip out and get some stuff the procedures will be four or five hours, the other woman's is looking at something like nine."

"Your lucky you got a donor outside the family, normally you would have to wait until someone died. Any word on whether she plans to stay anonymous or not?"

"I don't know, the doctor said she asked to be tested to help anyone in the hospital needing organ donation, both my girls matched and she agreed, I got the sense she was lying to me but I don't know, I mean really I'm not going to fight it; they're my girls. But I get the sense she will stay anonymous, I wish she wouldn't but I already tried to push the doctor and she isn't giving. Honestly I'm just glad someone is willing to give my girls another chance. Whats going on with Benson, she texted me last night saying she was taking time but I got the sense she had just been putting off telling me."

"I got the sense it was touch and go, from what she said she didn't know what was going on and didn't want to share it."

He nodded." Do you know what hospital she is in, if shes in the one with my girls I can probably find her."

"She didn't say. Elliot go be with your family and if there is any reason to find Benson we'll handle it."

As he left he heard john start in on why wasn't this enough reason to find her. As close as he was to Olivia his mind had immediately flipped back to his daughters. He entered the hospital and went to their hall, he held each girls hand while nurses administered the sedatives. Briefly he wondered if anyone had been there for the woman who was saving them, he wished the doctor would reveal her identity.

Hours passed, and he started to pace, finally a nurse came out. "The surgery went well, so far there are no signs of rejection, the girls are getting cleaned up and taken to ICU they will have to stay there for a few hours and then they will be taken back to their rooms. You can go and wait for them."

Kathy left, heading for the ICU; he stopped the nurse. "How did the other surgery go, the retrieval , is she alright?"

" If there was anyone waiting for her they would have been in here, but she is out, she finished about an hour ago and has been taken back to her room. I cant tell you anything else, she is still wishing to remain anonymous."

"Could you tell me what floor she is on, anything?"He knew he was grasping but he hadn't been able to help his daughters but a person who could be a complete stranger had; he wanted to know her and thank her.

"I'm sorry we must do everything we can to respect the donors, their confidentiality is a must." The nurse turned and left; he followed her out and up to ICU to see his girls.

As he entered the door he stepped aside for a gurney, glancing down his heart dropped when he recognized the face, the thin form on the bed. Before he recognized what he was doing he reached out to stop the gurney. "What happened to her? Olivia, are you okay?"

A nurse took his hand, prying it off the bed rail. "Sir, she is unconscious, we need to take her back to her room. Unless you are family you need to leave."

"I'm not family I've worked with her for over eleven years, she's my partner. I didn't know she was here." He stared at her, she almost looked dead, so still, her chest was barely moving.

"Sir if she didn't tell you she didn't want you to know, or she wanted to wait for the right time. You need to leave her be. Go to you daughters, Elaine and Michelle lets take her to her room." The doctor spoke from behind them, the doctor who had operated on his girls.

Dr Jennie Evens glared at the nurses as she helped lift Olivia Benson back into her hospital bed, the brunette would be unconscious for another hour at least but when she woke up they would have to explain that Elliot Stabler had seen her coming out of ICU. "What part of wait until the family has settled in with the girls was not clear? We have to respect her trust and wishes, and we screwed that up royally. I will explain it to her but until she wakes up her room is on lock down; no visitors and no updates to anyone. It will remain like that until she wakes up and says otherwise, and badges wont intimidate you; she is a cop so yes they will probably show up and you are to show them the door the same as anyone else who is not approved."

Both nurses nodded, "Sorry we saw the wife go in we thought he must have already come up."

"Well it cant be changed now so, in an hour page me and I will come and talk to her or wait for her to wake up."

The doctor rolled her eyes and left, as she walked along the ICU hall she saw Elliot Stabler standing outside talking on his cell phone, the words 'shes here' caught her attention. Damn him, he wasn't even going to wait for her to wake up. "Mr Stabler I will have to ask you to put the phone away, it is not to be used in here. I also must ask that you let Ms Benson be, she needs rest as much as you girls. She is here on a matter of her own and I know that she would want you to focus on your girls."

"I'm sorry but weren't you doing my girls procedures today, how do you know Olivia? Look I work with her, she called in last night and said she needed time off, she refused to say what about; that isn't like her. What is wrong with her?"

"Olivia has locked her updates, you are not on the list or immediate family we cannot disclose anything to you without her permission." This man was frustrating, but determined and she desperately wanted to tell him that the brunette that was lying unconscious three floors up was the reason his girls had a future to look forward to.

"Look she is my partner, I want to know what is going on, can you at least tell me if she will be okay?"His voice was desperate, she could see through the curtains that the girls were asleep, and his ex-wife was sitting between them. The man was probably feeling pushed out, she got the sense that she really didn't want him to be around his children, that had to be hard for any parent. She knew from experience how hard it was to lose a child, to have your children given a second chance only to be pushed out of their lives had to hurt. If only she could tell that woman that it was because of her husband that a donor had come forward.

"She will be fine in a few weeks, she had surgery but she will be okay. Thats all I can say, and more that I should."

He shook his head. "I just don't get why she didn't tell me, why she didn't tell our unit. She was alone before, after and now wasn't she?Damn her, I would have waited with her, for her, or John, I don't get why she pushes us away. She must have known it was coming and waited for the last minute to tell us she was even taking time off."

"Mr Stabler she had very little warning and even less time to make a decision, and she made a hard one. I think you need to show her respect and let her tell you when she is ready." She glanced at her pager, wishing it would ring; she did not want to violate Olivia's privacy but it was getting harder and harder.

"Fine, you cant tell me anything about her condition, can you at least tell me where she is?"

"No, I'm sorry you need to wait for her to contact you." Damn why was it so hard to say 616 , go and don't let her wake up by herself, sadly she had signed an oath that dictated that she couldn't. Her pager beeped and she was happy to escape, Olivia was awake.

Shutting the door, she twisted the blinds and approached the bed. It looked like the woman had fallen back to sleep. Taking her wrist she felt for a pulse, it was slow and steady; she was just sleeping the medicine was wearing off. Gently she brushed the hair back from the womans face, truly she didn't want to wake her, there were some people who renewed her faith in humanity; Olivia Benson was one of them. So many people hurt and kill others, rarely did she see people who came in and were willing to give of themselves to help others. She thought of her own baby girl, now six feet under because no one had helped her; she really hoped that the Stablers realized how lucky they were.

She pulled a chair over to the bed and sat down. "Olivia, you need to wake up okay, just for a little while then I will leave you alone."

She registered the voice, she didn't really want to wake up, her body hurt she wanted to be left alone to sleep. She turned her head away.

"Olivia, come on, you have to talk to me."

It wasn't going to go away, so she opened her eyes, the room was bright and she blinked.

"Thats good, how do you feel?"

"Sore." Her throat was dry,finally the room focused and didnt seem so bright, Dr Evens was sitting next to her bed.

"Okay, thats normal, where are you?"

"Hospital, Bell view." She took a deep breath, the pain was centralized to her chest.

"Good, can move your arms for me?"

Slowly she lifted each arm and bent then straightened it. Her arms didn't hurt.

"Thats good, now your legs, slow okay you remember that they will be sore."

Following the same routine she found that her legs were a little sore. She felt the gown lifted and gentle fingers probed her stomach, she winced when pressure was applied.

"Good Olivia, your doing really good, the swelling is already settling, it will take a little while to go away completely. Now I do have to tell you something, it might be a little upsetting but your partner saw you coming out of ICU."

"So he knows, damn hes going to give me heck." She shut her eyes, Elliot would be up here to yell at her in no time.

"No he doesn't, he knows you were in ICU, he doesn't know what you did, but I think you should tell him soon."

"I know, but he saw me, he will tell the team. I just want peace, and I don't feel like being judged yet." Olivia turned her head away.

"Okay how about I let you get some sleep; is there anyone you want me to call for you."The doctor stood next to the bed.

"No, I'll call somebody in the morning." She shifted deeper into the bed, hospital beds weren't all that comfortable but she wanted sleep.

"Okay, a nurse will be in at about six thirty, she will take your vitals and want you to stay up for a few hours. I will probably be back in the evening; get some sleep."


	3. Chapter 3

**So next chapter, working up to Elliot getting the news, thats next chapter ( and most of it)**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed. and again I really dont know much about hospitals, so sorry for any mistakes, I dont really have time to go back and re work it right now, maybe someday.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Something was pressing against the side of her neck, not hard just there; and then it was gone. She shifted to get away but something touched her shoulder, opening her eyes she saw a nurse. The woman smiled and continued to press on on her shoulder.

"Good morning Olivia, how are you feeling?" This woman was way to cheerful.

"Fine."

"Okay, I'm going to leave you be, but I need you to stay awake, would you like me to sit your bed up?"

"Sure," It was still to early, she was starting to feel sore.

" Alright, I'm tilting the bed up, it will be uncomfortable for a little bit because of the change of position but it will be good for you."

The nurse left and she looked around the room, this was the first time she had actually been alert enough to look around. It felt plain, kind of empty, alone. She turned to the phone debating whether to call anyone. She could call Elliot and he would show up, but then she would have to explain it all. She could call Munch or Cragen, they would both show with fewer questions but make her feel even more guilty for not telling them. Maybe Alex, she was back and would probably come and possibly even bring her some sweat pants to wear with the stupid gown. Reaching for the phone she had to twist, she couldn't reach it ; it hurt too much. She decided to test how much movement she had and how much pain it would cause. Slowly she twisted left and then right; damn it hurt.

A tapping made her turn, her heart dropped it was Elliot, and he was giving the poor nurse heck, she turned away wishing he would leave, she didn't want to face him yet. She heard the doctor's voice telling him to leave, looking back she saw her try to lock the door; Elliot pushed through.

"Liv, what is going on? What did you do, why didn't you tell me?"He reached for her and she flinched; he was mad.

"Olivia what you have done, talk to me , my girls were messed up; I didn't need my best friend to be too." She turned her head away, tears ran down her cheeks; he wasn't supposed to find out like this.

"Olivia Benson, I searched this damn hospital for you, Kathy kicked me out of my girls room so I thought I might offer my friend some company and no one would tell me anything. What did you do, do you want me to pull the damn gown off you and see for myself? Talk to me Liv." She wanted to scream, or melt away. His last words hadn't been angry, the ones before had been, the last one were a plea; he was angry and scared and only knew one way to show it. 'I'm sorry, I was trying to help', her words were barely a whisper, he didn't hear her, he was too angry.

Two men in security uniforms pulled him out, she stared after him until the doctor entered and shut the door. Olivia turned her head to the window, no one needed to see her tears. a hand touched her cheek, shortly accompanied by a soft voice and someone taking her arm.

"Olivia, no one told him anything, its still your secret to share, he searched almost every floor for you. I'm sorry we let him in that was a mistake, I was trying to lock the door and misjudged his strength. I know you are upset, I am going to give you a sedative. It will knock you out for a few hours by then he should be gone, I will ban him from the floor until you clear it."The voice stopped and she felt the prick of a needle, blackness came for her and with it peaceful oblivion.

She blinked, then stretched, trying to lift her arm she realized there was a new IV cord attached to her. The door creaked open and a nurse poked her head in.

" Good your awake, some people have been waiting a while, John Munch, Fin and Alex Cabot, do you feel like seeing them?"The woman was still far to cheery.

"Sure, could you see if Alex will come in for a bit alone first?"she shifted reaching for the control of her bed, the nurse disappeared.

The formal blonde entered and came to stand by her bed. "Hey, what did you do? How are you feeling?"

"Sore, you look like you came from court." she smiled.

" I did, what did you do?" Olivia turned away.

"Will you keep it to yourself, I would like to let everyone in my own way."

"Of course Liv, what happened?" She sat down in the chair beside her bed.

"You know whats going on with Elliot and his girls right?" She was hesitant, not intentionally she trusted Alex, but it was just hard. When Alex nodded she continued.

"Remember the case with the husband who killed his wife's lover, then we had to get him out of jail so he could give her part of his liver. Elliot and I were talking after it and he told me his blood type; we were the same. It was a while ago, I think he forgot about it, but I didn't. He told me about his girls how he couldn't do anything, I decided to get tested; that's why I asked Cragen for medical leave so suddenly; they needed it immediately so I had to go with it. I gave them part of my liver and a kidney; I haven't told Elliot."

"Liv whats with your leg then?"

" fat, to help the girls recovery. Look I know Elliot is pissed with me but I want him to have some family time, he has already been up here freaking out."

Alex shut her eyes. " Your definitely braver than me, no way I would let some one cut on me unless it was my life in danger."

"They're to young to die, and Elliot has been through enough he didn't need to lose his girls. We've been partners for eleven years; hes saved my skin a few times and I've done the same for him. I know he would do it for me."

" For you but for his kids ?"

"They make him, you know how much it tore him up when Kathy tried to have him put as unfit; he had to fight for joint custody. He shouldn't have them taken away now, not like this."

" Okay Liv, I get it, I just meant that I couldn't do it, why did you want me alone?" she leaned in closer, Olivia was getting quieter as she went.

" If I give you the key to my apartment would you pick me up some stuff? Sweats and underwear and that? I have to stay for at the very least a week; they wont really know how long until I show some progress."

"Of course, no problem. But Olivia you need to tell Elliot."

"I know, but I want to wait, he is already mad at me, I want him to cool off first; he said he would rip my gown off to find out what I had done. I don't actually believe he would do it, but I just feel funny, I don't feel like justifying it to him right now. I know he will be hard about it and then come to terms and be okay."

"But he is going to be mad that you didn't come out and tell him. Look we were here an hour ago you were still asleep so we went down to see Elliot, Kathy is driving him crazy, ready to take the girls away and fight to get his visiting rights off; apparently his genetics brought all this on so its all his fault. Its a load of crap but I honestly thing is the ammunition of his partner being the reason they aren't still on the list might at least shut her up so he could have some quiet time with the girls; she didn't shut up about how horrible he was the entire time we were there. That and Liv he is your friend , when Don called me I was hurt that you didn't tell me, I can only imagine for Elliot and then to have the nurses and security haul him out. Liv its only going to hurt him more the longer you wait."The blonde stared at her, knowing that she had given it straight, regretting it slightly, Olivia was recovering after all and peace would be important and not on Elliot's agenda.

Tears came, she knew, she wanted to tell him but she wasn't ready, she nodded quietly at Alex.


	4. Chapter 4

**So quicky, next chapter will be better I hope. This one was suprisingly hard to write. **

**Still all mistakes are mine. I am no doctor and know nothing about hospitals **

**All reviews are loved, thankyou everybody :)**

**Disclaimer: I dont own anything**

Munch and Fin joined them, the atmosphere lightened considerably as Fin told her how Munch had been sure that she was trying to keep them out of her life. Thinking that she was conspiring to die alone from something she wouldn't tell them about. This made them all laugh now that they could see that she was okay.

She could feel Alex watching her, waiting for her to explain to them what she had done. Shortly after she had they began to leave, first Fin and Alex, John stayed for a little while making excuses because it wasn't as though he had much to do, and apologizing for thinking she might have been conspiring in any way; this made her laugh.

"But seriously Liv, you need to tell Elliot." He leaned in close to her bed, intent on making her understand.

"I know, he just got so upset when he came in here, security removed him. He is only going to be madder." As out there as John could be he could be a good listener.

"How bout I talk to him, tell him he can come up as long as he doesn't raise his voice at you. Just let him see you, think and get accustomed. I won't tell him what you did, although I am proud to call you friend for it, I will leave that for you unless you want me to."

"No, I will tell him, I guess, tell the nurse to let him in. Just ask him to wait until morning; I want to sleep, I feel like crap; can you reach the pain pill on that table the nurse brought it earlier but I didn't want it then." She accepted the pill and when he helped her sit straighter she didn't bother to fight.

"Of course, we cause the pain?"

"No, I just didn't want to be all drugged up when I was trying to talk to you guys." She smiled and lay back, lowering the bed so that she could try to sleep.

"Okay Liv, I'll come back tomorrow after shift; I'll go talk to Elliot now. Bye Liv." He left.

She turned her head, the pain ebbed away and sleep came; it felt good to sleep. It made her feel guilty to sleep so much, lazy compared to how she normally was when working.

Her excuse was going to be she was sore, and no one seemed to care.

It was later when she turned to see the clock, it was five in the morning; maybe she was sleeping too much. Today she might be allowed to move, this bed wasn't too comfortable and she had never been good at staying still. Feeling as if she was being watched she turned to look around; Elliot. He stared at her intently, as if he had been there awhile.

"Morning Liv." He sat a little straighter, there was no way to move the chair closer to the bed; he had long since done that.

"Morning, how long have you been sitting there?" She blinked and turned away and back, then reached for the bed control.

"Most of the night, Kathy kicked me out because the girls don't need me. The usual, she was just lucky to get a donor but they wouldn't have needed one if it wasn't for me. So I figured I would come talk to you and let her stew rather than rile up the girls. John told me I could come up here if I promised not to yell at you."

She nodded quietly surprised at how calm his voice was, not angry like he had been yesterday.

"Olivia, you never left the hospital, neither did I. The clothes you were wearing are here, so is your badge and John to your gun last night; I saw it. You had to know so how come you didn't say anything." He continued to stare at her.

"I didn't want people to know, it was a decision I had to make fast." She closed her eyes.

"That's why you told me you went home? Olivia what did you have to have done, you could have at least told me; Kathy is trying to get the girls to blame me for this you think spending six hours waiting with her was any fun. Hearing how I should be on my knees to the donor, and on and on; I gladly would have come and wait for you. She has to go to work now that she isn't relying on me for support, so I would have come and stayed with you until she left for her shift; longer if you wanted." He reached for her hand, and began rubbing her palm with his thumb.

"You have no idea how scared I was when I saw them wheeling you out of the recovery area, I knew you were on leave, I had no idea you were in the hospital. Then they are taking you out of recovery, and no matter whom I ask no one will tell me anything. It hurt Livia, we worked together for eleven years, and you are closer than my best friend. I felt guilty for not being there, and then I found you and they called security on me, I know I was angry but I was scared to."

She shrank away, she should have told him but she didn't want him to judge her. "I know"

"What did you need done?" His thumb stopped its gentle caress as he waited for her answer.

"I didn't need anything done; I chose to have the procedure." She held his eyes, hoping he would make the connection.

His head and heart dropped as he did, he released her, both hands scrubbed his face; Olivia would. She was probably the only person in the world who would but she would, probably for any of them; he had just never considered for family too but it didn't surprise him all that much. He stared at her again, she would have been a match, and she would have known as soon as he told her he was; he knew the case he just hadn't had the guts to ask her, he had tried to block the thought out of his mind. But she hadn't and had gone through with it.

"Which one?" His voice held defeat and guilt, and both were going to eat him until she was back at work and fine, after that it would just be the knowledge of how deep her commitment ran.

"Both, the doctor gave me the option, I never could have chose." She turned away waiting for his calm to break, the tone he used scared her more than when he yelled; it sounded almost meek and nothing like Elliot.

He exhaled heavily; she was putting her self through hell and back voluntarily. He wondered if anyone had taken the time to explain it to her.

"Why Liv, how can you just make a choice like that? Of that size, it's going to lay you up for months. And I'm not ungrateful for it, thank you from the bottom of my heart but I just don't think it should have been a choice you had to make, I never wanted you to have to even consider it."

"You told me, you're my partner, I couldn't know and not be tested; not when I knew I could be a chance. You need your kids El, I don't think you need Kathy I won't lie but I do think you need your kids, even if you don't see them all the time. It wasn't a hard choice, and I will be back on the desk at the end of the month; I don't care what anyone says I will go stir crazy if I can't work. This bed is already pushing me to it. How are the girls?" She gave him a slight smile, reaching for his hand.

"He pulled it away. "Olivia, can I see, I never would have ripped your gown off, that was an idle threat; I was mad. But please let me see." He reached across her and pulled the control from her hand, lowering the bed he knew she wouldn't fight him.

She didn't fight until her turned the covers down to her knees, to get the bottom of the gown; he saw hesitation in her eyes. Exposing her body would make her feel vulnerable; he knew that in knowing her, he waited until her hands feel back and slowly lifted it. He lifted it back exposing her legs, her baby blue girl boxers made a smile pull on his lips; but he was intent on seeing her abdomen. Until the redness on her legs made him stop, he didn't comment the nurses had explained and he could see what was missing; what she had allowed. He didn't touch it just looked up at her eyes; there were no trust in them she was waiting for him to explode. Slowly he folded it up, above her rib cage, stopping before he exposed her completely, not that if the situation was different he wouldn't like to look; that skin had been a fantasy for some time. Today though he was in a different situation, he looked at the long red incisions cutting through the olive tone of her skin. Black stitches highlighted the red lines, much the same as the ones his girls had shown him yet different, these weren't on his girls who needed those red cuts to live; these were on the body of his partner who had submitted to them. Not that it was unnecessary, he wouldn't put it that way but it was for her body, she had chosen it; not required it and that was a thing he couldn't quite grasp.

Aware that she would be sensitive, he did not want to cause her pain, not when she had submitted to it for his babies but he wanted to know. His thumb ever so lightly traced the line watching her eyes.

"Olivia, Olivia Benson how did you deal with, how could you stand this; I never would have asked you for this. Liv." His hands came to cup her face, his words barely a whisper.

She stared at him, Elliot wasn't like this, he got mad not gentle and calm. "It was my choice, you didn't ask; I wanted you to have your girls you've had enough crap already."

Slowly she shifted over, making room for him to sit, one palm still pressed against her cheek; the other had come down to trace the incision again. He sat beside her, close but not quite touching her; he was studying the incision.

"Elliot, how are the girls?" She tried to draw his attention off her stomach and back to her face, hoping he might fix her gown; yet not sure she wanted to hide herself from his view.

"They will be okay, so long as Kathy doesn't suffocate them now. Thank you, you probably know the most about my family of anyone. I know I haven't been a great dad but I do love my kids, this was so hard; I didn't know how to handle it. I should have told you, I did want someone there, but I was afraid and I didn't want to admit it. I really don't blame you for keeping it from me. I just didn't understand, maybe I didn't want to. I was so happy when they told me that there was a donor, and then that it went well; then I saw them taking you out of recovery and I snapped. I had tried to deal with it alone, I was running tight, you are my partner; my closest friend and I snapped. Liv I had no right to bust into your room yesterday, or to get mad, but you have to understand that I didn't, I didn't know what you had done. If I had I can't promise it would have been different, but then I would have known something. Now I feel guilty and thankful at the same time, you are a real friend and you deserve more than I'm sorry but that's all I have to give." He shifted closer, wanting her touch.

Gently he slid his hands over her sides, letting them rest above her hips; staring at the expanse of skin made him feel a type of guilt he didn't understand. He was thankful, a part of him wanted to go and yell at Kathy that the only reason his girls got their transplants. But then he wanted to stay here, sitting next to Liv until Kathy left for her shift, until Liv was asleep and then go down and see his girls. He smiled at the knowledge that both of them had been pretending to sleep whenever Kathy was hovering, and talking to him; he knew they were still mad at him in the way that they always had been; but that they appreciated his method of caring with space. Still he understood that they now had the chance at Olivia's expense, she had never been close to his girls but had always cared about his family and what was happening; the step she had taken said more than a thousand words ever could. He felt her shift, realizing that the gown was still up over her chest he folded it down; sitting next to Olivia, watching her soft features change as trust entered her eyes and her guard slid down gave him a peace he hadn't felt in a long time.


	5. Chapter 5

**So here we go again.**

**This is now beta read by PhantomKnight88the better grammer and spelling are thanks to her :) . Any mistakes left are mine ( the last couple paragraphs were written after beta read because I needed to make it smoother) **

**Reviews are always loved**

**Disclaimer is the same as always **

Olivia lay back on her bed, her side ached but being able to move on her own was worth it. Each day she made it a little further, first using a nurse for support and then the wall; now just the shadow of some nurse making sure she didn't fall. Her goal had originally been the end of the hall but now she could do lengths, at least two before her sides began to cramp and she had to lie down again. This morning she had made it two and a half lengths of the hall before her sides began to cramp, mostly around the incisions. When she lay down it had eased. She glanced up as Elliot entered, he looked half dead; she knew he barely left the hospital. Looking at the clock she saw he was later than usual; she wondered if he had actually had a calm talking with Kathy yet, or if it had resulted in her becoming over protective and looking to lay blame. He had told her about a few of those. He made to collapse into the chair next to her bed, but Olivia shifted over, making room for him to crawl into the bed next to her.

The first time he had crawled in beside her had been three days after the surgery and right after a fight with Kathy. She had informed him that he should thank his lucky stars a donor had come forward before breaking down about having to go to work and what if something happened while she was gone. Elliot had never been able to deal with her tears very well and that time had been no different, So he had slid in beside Olivia, gently sliding an arm under her. Kathy was getting to him; in a way he understood but that didn't mean he didn't get tired of dealing with it. Olivia had always been safe haven of sorts, for the past eleven years she had been there for him through the good and the bad. They had their fights too, Olivia rarely broke down into tears instead she got mad and told him what was on her mind, after giving or receiving the silent treatment. That he could handle, tears were another matter, it was one thing with a victim who he didn't know and had good reason. Kathy cried over everything and she bottled it up until she exploded but that just confused him. He knew what was going on, and some of what was going through her head; it was going through his too. But just learning that Liv had been the donor had eased some of his worry. He knew she needed someone to lay the blame on, she always did, and he was usually the most convenient; it was how she handled stress.

This morning hadn't been any different, she worked the graveyard at a diner; sevn to seven. She was always upset about leaving the girls; he often felt the same way. He had almost lost them only to have Olivia give them back and he couldn't go through it again; he knew Kathy couldn't either. Liv offered him an escape that Kathy didn't have, when she arrived he came to visit Olivia, talk and joke, Kathy went from the hospital to work because she couldn't take any time off; he had vacation and benefits. Meanwhile Kathy had to wait, save her time off for the girls recovery; she wanted to be home with them while they caught up in school and adjusted to yet another change. Really he understood she was worried and trapped, he knew the feeling but had a way out. When he heard Olivia yelp he realized that thinking of his families pain had made him tense; clenching the arm wrapped around Olivia.

"Sorry, I was just thinking." He turned so his face was only inches from hers.

She smiled, lifting his hand higher and way from the incision. "Its okay. If you don't mind me asking, what's making you so tense?"

"The girls I guess. Kathy and I have both been feeling the same way; it just seems a little too good to be true. But I know that for once it isn't, she is still thinking of the what ifs."

"The doctors say that since they haven't rejected the transplants yet it looks really good. I haven't told them that you were the donor, not that at times I haven't wanted to throw it in her face, but I know it was you and I can feel safe in that; she just has questions.

"I know you are healthy and everything, but she doesn't and she worries that the doctors might have missed something. Basically we were just pushed past our breaking points and we ended up taking it out on each other. I know she wants them to go home with her, and they probably will but I just want to be able to see them regularly. True, I was always so busy with work that they were mad at me but I never stopped loving them. I was just as scared as they were when we found out and now that I know they are safe I want to tell them why.

"Liv, can I tell them tonight when I go back? I know you never said I couldn't but I want to know you are okay with me sharing."

Olivia slowly wrapped her arms around him. Pulling him close she rested her head against his shoulder. "Of course, how are they doing anyway?"

"Good, they look better and the doctors are letting them get up and walk with assistance; it is so good to see them moving around. It will be a while before they can be released though, they are starting on the immune depressants to keep their bodies from rejecting so they are feeling a little sick; but both of them are talking about going home." He smiled, he didn't want to admit it but holding her close, knowing she trusted him to be near her was a high he never wanted to come down from.

"That's good, they must be going stir crazy." she replied softly.

"Speaking from experience, what you've been here a week, doc given you a date yet?" Secretly he hoped that a stipulation on her release would be she couldn't stay alone; he hoped she would ask him to stay with her if it was.

"Kind of. If I'm lucky, Monday so only thee more days of boredom here and then I have to go home and deal with it there for at least another two weeks before they will even consider clearing me for desk work." she muttered sadly.

"At least with desk work you'll be at work, although the guys may give you heck; they got a case and the victim wont talk to them because saw your name tag on the desk saying she would wait until she could talk to you. Her case has the same MO as three other cases; we're afraid this guy won't stop till he's caught and meanwhile the victims are terrified of any and everything male."

Olivia turned away. "You just had to tell me that didn't you?" She mumbled, wishing he hadn't told her.

He laughed softly. "Its okay Liv, Melinda and Alex handled it; I wouldn't have told you other wise. They think they have the guy, and for all I know they've already picked him up. Fin told me about it last night. He came to see you but you had already gone to sleep so he came to find me."

Olivia turned resting up on one elbow and slugged him with her free hand, he was trying to get her riled; the jerk. " So just keeping me updated are you, thanks its just what I need; to know there is a case and be able to do nothing." She answered sarcastically.

"No but I know you are a workaholic, thought you might like to know you're missed. Seriously the guys are lost without you."He meant it to be sincere, he had been to the precinct a few times and it felt a little empty knowing that Olivia wouldn't be there, he knew Munch and Fin felt much the same. THe only other time he had felt that had been when Olivia had gone undercover and Cragen wouldnt tell them anything.

"Right and you weren't trying to play on my sympathy at all, or the knowledge that I want out of here. Thanks for caring Elliot."She shifted to rest her head against the curve of his shoulder.

It hurt to think that she thought he didn'tcare, he needed his partner back, tough as she could be he needed that challenge to keep going. Elliot didn't kid himself, he knew this would change them, he wanted it to change them; he wanted her to let him in. "Liv of course I care, you ended up here with stitches in your stomach because you helped my kids. Beside that your my partner and I know you want out of here; I didn't mean to make you mad I was just teasing."

She smiled at him, " I know, I want to get up, will you come with me for a walk; I need to move around my back is cramping."

"Liv, is getting up such a good idea; c'mon sit up and I'll give you a back rub. How often does it cramp up, have you told the doctor?"

She groaned, shifting to sit on the side of the bed allowing him to push her gown open and rub her shoulders; the soft circles felt good. "Yes El, I've told the doctor, and I am sure the nurse has too; part of it is I don't spend days in bed regularly."

"Uh uh, and right after surgery anything could be a concern, I can worry I've heard all the lectures to mention anything. Does that help?" He worked over her shoulders and sides, why Olivia's skin had to be so soft and smooth he didn't know.

"Yea, thanks, if Fin comes to find you tonight and I'm asleep tell him to come wake me up. Same with the others, I cant wait to get out of here; I hate hospitals."She shook her head, his hands had eased the cramp in her back.

"I know Liv, I know but you'll be out soon enough, so long as you don't push to hard and put yourself back." He knew cautioning was useless, Olivia would push herself to death until she was back to normal; still at least he had said it if only for his own conscience. She was facing away not trying to watch or guide him, just trusting him to touch her; it was unlike Olivia. Yet the trust touched his heart, his partner was in pain, pain she chose to help his kids and now she was trusting him to ease it was a feeling he liked; a connection he wanted to strengthen.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the long wait between updates, I only have about one more chapter for this one and then it comes to a end- it will be up soon.

Disclaimer: same as always

not beta read all mistakes are mine

She sat on the exam table, still waiting for the doctor, still waiting to go home. As soon as this exam was done she was to be released and it would be over; she would have done all that she could. It wasn't that she was sorry for what she had done, or regretting it but she was just ready to be home and away from the hospital. Even though the guys come whenever they could and Elliot had come when Kathy was with the girls or they were sleeping, the place was just lonely and not working or doing anything was driving her stir crazy; not to mention she wasn't used to movement restriction.

The door opened and Dr. Evans entered, the woman looked far to cheery. "Good morning Olivia, ready to be heading home?"

"Yes" She was more than ready to hide out from people for a few days,getting some real sleep and not to mention a decent shower, she was planning to stay with Elliot but he knew her well enough to understand this.

"Good, I am just going to do some final checks and then I will give you a prescription for pain pills. I know you don't like to take them but it will take you some time to heal and I seriously doubt that you will spend that time resting so these will help you do that. Also I know you will consider it rather trivial but you need to stay with someone for a few days; just as a precaution."The woman dropped onto a stool and rolled it over to Olivia on the exam table, she had gotten to know the brassy detective a bit and knew she was ready to go home but was very independent; probably already thinking of how soon she could get back to work.

"I know, I am going to stay with Elliot Stabler , Kathy has main custody of their kids so when they go home he will have a serious amount of free time he cant spend watching them sleep; and we're friends." Olivia lay back on the table, she knew the drill; her stitches had been checked many times since the surgery.

" That's good, I take it he is understanding now, have you considered telling the girls?" Dr. Evans began to apply gentle pressure around the incisions, pressing deep and even to check healing as she watched Olivia's face, the brunette was notorious for being a tough guy and not saying when it hurt; her eyes always told the truth.

" I told Elliot that he could tell them and he will when he is ready."She shifted when the doctor found a tender spot and immediately traced back over it a couple times.

"That's a little sore isn't it. I think you should tell them, show them, it will help them deal with it and understand that it is a gift; give them a bit of security and the knowledge that you cared." She checked the stretches on each stitch near where it was sore, most likely it was just healing but it was not a feeling to be overlooked.

" Not really. I know, I am just not sure it is my place or that i can deal with the reactions; I would just like to stay kind of anonymous. I know realistically I couldn't, I mean Elliot is a detective. I think it is Elliot's place to tell his kids that he was able to get them help and save them." Olivia fidgeted as the ultrasound gel was spread over her stomach with the wand.

"Elliot didn't save them Olivia, you did. You have every right to take credit for that, by choosing to do so you have set yourself back." She paused studying the the image. " But everything inside and from the surgery looks good. With you I think you need to focus on resting and not ripping out your stitches." Putting the ultrasound machine away, she let Olivia sit up and fix her clothes.

"So I will see you in two weeks for a post op, then you can see your personal doctor to get the stitches out in about three or four weeks. If you tear any stitches out make an appointment with your doctor to have them redone;especially if there is any bleeding or spreading. When you feel up to it you can work but take some time off and on a desk please." She signed a prescription and a note for her boss.

Olivia nodded, taking the notes she slipped out, Elliot stood from a chair; he looked like he had been sleeping.

"You released?"He stretched, offering her a jacket at her nod. "You mind if we stop and see the Kathleen and Maureen? I'm going to be spending less time sleeping by their beds and then they will be going home and I'll be back to weekends."

"Sure but can I borrow your knife for a minute ? I want this wrist band off; its a dead give away. But the doctor told me that the girls don't know it was me; please just tell them when I'm not around."

"Fine, but I want them to talk to you, don't dance around it forever if I'm not allowed to. I want them to know you cared." They stepped onto the floor that the girls were on and he decided to drop the subject.

She felt a pang in her stomach as she followed Elliot into the room that the girls were sharing and it had nothing to do with any surgery or stitches. But both girls looked a lot better, Kathleen was up in a chair next to her sister; they were doing homework. It seemed strange that two weeks had passed since she had made Elliot bring her here and how quickly her decision to stay had been made; how easily time had flowed away. Hanging back she watched Elliot hug each girl, then his hand pulled her over and guiding her down onto the empty bed. They only stayed a little while, when the girls started asking her about work Elliot caught on to her discomfort as she rebounded the questions with her own.

As they left Kathy was coming in, Olivia got a strange look but the girls had been given a release date and so the blond didn't seem to dwell. She could see a little tension in the back of Elliot's neck, this had put a strain on an already strained relationship and Kathy needed him to take the girls for a couple days during the two weeks she was supposed to stay with him. She smiled reassuringly when he agreed and Kathy left, she would just make sure he told them before then.

An hour later Olivia was sprawled across the spare bed in Elliot's spare room; it felt good to be in a real bed. She could see Elliot hovering in the door way, smiling softly and he came in to sit on the edge of the bed. "Hey, you enjoy spending your time watching people sleep?"

"Sometimes, when the people are my girls." He reached out and stroked her cheek.

"Hmm, right so I qualify as one of you girls now." his hand had settled to cup her jaw, his touch felt so good especially after so long in a sterile environment. It also felt wrong as it was just to soon after his girls came on the mend; her feelings were to strong for a pity relationship.

"I would think so, we've only been partners eleven years." He let his hand trail down to rub gentle circles over her back as she glanced up at him sleepily; she was definitely his girl. Yet he knew he needed to tread carefully around telling her so, especially so soon after the surgery. He needed her to trust how long he had felt this; not some sort of love due to what she had done. Although it had only made him love her more, he would wait and make her feel comfortable and safe, build a relationship properly and as she was ready. He was glad she was staying with him, especially now looking down at her sleeping form, part of him just wanted to gather her in his arms and never let go; he knew he needed to wait on that.


	7. Chapter 7

For a few days she stayed around the apartment, it was good to be out of the hospital and able to care for herself. Yet it was boring, she wanted to be back at work. Finally it was Friday, Elliot had the girls for the night and had forbade her to leave; he planned to tell the girls.

Elliot got home from work with pizza, she was dressed and trying to finish cleaning; switching the bedding when he found her. "Liv, you are supposed to be resting. Leave it be." He took hold of her wrists to pull her back.

She pulled against him, trying to finish and mumbling 'make me'. He smiled as he tried to twist her, Olivia was getting her strength back and he had always enjoyed times like this. Olivia was actually trying to fight him and liked the feeling of her near him and the sound of her laugh.

She pulled him forward ducking to the right; without thinking he caught her around the middle. She was sprawling on the bed when he lost his balance and came down across her; realizing it could have hurt he rolled away.

"Sorry Liv, are you okay?" He knelt on the bed, reaching out he cupped her jaw. "Did I hurt you?"

She sat up, his hand immediately moved down to support her back, he saw her shake her head still slightly stunned. "No, I'm fine but you get to remake the bed."

He watched her stand up and walk out of the room, he quickly remade the bed and went to find her. She was in the kitchen, one of her pain pills was on the table; she was trying to swallow the other. He knew Olivia had always had a hard time swallowing pills.

"You are hurt." He stepped up behind her. "Here Olivia let me."

He had helped his daughters take many pills and had learned the tricks; pain pills seemed to be stronger when they were bigger. Pressing up behind her he savored being close to her, lifting one hand to the front of her throat the other pushed her hair back. "Try and swallow."

She took a gulp of water and with one hand he tipped her jaw up as his fingers massaged her throat teasing the pill down. The second one went down easily with the same method but he didn't move away after and she leaned back.

Stepping forward she turned so that he was facing her and she was leaning against the counter; brown eyes met blue. He stepped forward so that their hips met and his hands came to rest lightly on her sides.

"I remade both the beds today, and the pullout. If each of the girls take a bed and we share the pullout its good." She leaned back against the counter, trying to ignore the closeness of their bodies and her nerves about tonight.

"No, we will sleep in my room, Maureen has running dibs on the pullout whenever the kids sleep over." He was easing slowly closer. " Are you okay with talking after supper tonight, we can explain it all to Kathy later; the girls need to know more than she does."

" Sure that isn't being just a little bit of a jerk? Telling the girls and leaving her out. They're going to have a ton of questions aren't they?"

"Maybe, and yes they are definitely going to ask questions. It's okay I'll talk." He pulled her into his arms, her head rested on his shoulder. She snuggled into his arms, it was safe here.

The doorbell rang and they separated, the girls had arrived as had the pizza; both girls looked hundreds of times better. Olivia sat next to Elliot on the couch, both his girls were digging happily into the food; she felt the calm radiating off of him. She knew that he truly loved his children even if he sometimes spent a lot of time away from them. She still didn't regret her action even though she was fidgeting uncomfortably next to him.

The food was gone and Olivia reached for Elliot's hand as he leaned forward. She didn't understand why she was so nervous about this, his voice rung clear through her head. "Girls Olivia and I wanted to talk to you. You know she has been staying with me but it wasn't to help me cope with what was going on; at least not entirely."

"Are you guys dating?" Maureen glanced from her father to the woman sitting beside him apprehensively. Olivia had always been there for her and her sisters and brother and for her dad. She thought the two would make a cute couple but hadn't forgotten how hurt her mother had been; she had held Olivia to high stands. Until today the woman had stood to them as well, being a good friend but not moving in; it seemed as though that had changed.

"No, not yet but it may be in the future. Girls you know that your mom and I have been divorced a while. She has seen other people and so have I, if Olivia and I get together it doesn't change anything. I know you didn't really see Olivia in the hospital during recovery and I remember that you asked about her Kathleen. We got a donor very suddenly and were very lucky; at that point I wasn't aware either. She chose to do it privately and not tell anyone until after." Maureen stared at her dad, it almost seemed surreal. The woman who had promised to always take care of them actually had; few people would hold up those promises. Her attention shifted to the detective sitting next to her father, the woman who was usually cool and collected was curled against her partner; clearly embarrassed.

"You were my donor?" Her voice sounded foreign and she saw her father open his mouth, he closed it when she glared at him.

"I was the donor for both of you." She watched as Olivia sat forward and slowly lifted her shirt. She had a nasty set of stitches cutting across her left side that itched and hurt. Olivia had two, both were red and sore and big; she reached out to touch them. Her fingers grazed the higher long one, the woman winced but didn't pull away. A piece of Olivia was in her, keeping her alive.

"Why would you put yourself through that?" She glanced at Kathleen, Maureen had distracted her; both girls seemed calm.

"Because I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I wasn't tested and I knew that I had the same blood type as your dad." The younger girl seemed more hesitant to trust her, El's hand had moved to rest on her back.

"What are the stitches going into you jeans?" She had almost forgotten about when they had taken the nourishment for the girls; it just showed above her jeans but was healing quickly.

"You guys lost a lot of weight, they did a procedure to help with something. I honestly don't remember the details of it; its not a big deal." She wasn't about to tell them that much, they didn't need to know that much.

Kathleen was staring at her and she sort of felt like the girl didn't know what to do, her sister's response had been simple. Finally the younger girl moved and Olivia ended up with the girl in her lap. It took her a moment to react, the girl had buried her face in Olivia's neck so she brought a hand up to hold her head and wrapped the other around her.

Glancing at Elliot she saw that he was grinning, his hand was pressing harder against her back and she knew that he was feeling better. It hadn't been fair to ask him to keep this a secret from his daughters; they had needed to know. Now it felt better, she could see that Elliot felt better; life could settle down again.

Later she was laying on Elliot's bed waiting for him to come back; he was saying good night to the girls. This was different, even though they had been thinking more of getting together he had been giving her space; this defied space. Yet it would only be for the night, then the girls went home. They hadn't gotten a chance to talk, just them since they had explained it to the girls; it had taken a good while to get Kathleen off her. She knew they would talk when he came to lay down. When Elliot walked into the room he was grinning, she smiled back; it was good to see her partner relax again. He moved around and sat on the side of the bed she had chosen.

"The girls think you should get their initials and the date of the surgery tattooed above the scar, both are more than eager to get your name and the date done above theirs." She almost laughed, his expression was priceless.

" You are going to let them get tattoos?"

"No, but they are both eighteen so I can really kill the idea and this I cant completely oppose. It lifted their spirits to know; thank you." His voice was soft and she stared into his eyes for a long moment before she realized that his lips were pressing against hers; his face was much closer.

It was soft and sweet, she felt his hands come to her cheeks and once he broke off he didn't pull away; she didn't want him to. Slowly he sat up and folded the blanket back and slid under, even though they were close to the edge. He lifted the hem of her tank again, just enough to show the stitches, she held her breath as his thumbs brushed over them; then his lips pressed once to each.

She let him fix her shirt and then turn her and pull her close; his arms cradling her. She never wanted to leave this haven.

"Liv, that meant the world to me. I want you to stay here permanently; I want us." His voice was soft and breathy against her ear and she snuggled into the safety; this chapter of her life was closing. The pain was done, the challenge finished and she had succeeded, it was time to walk into the open door; wherever that lead. Next week she would return to work, return to life; she slept deeply.

o0o

So last chapter, I know long break but its finally done; hope it was worth the wait. No it was not intended to repeat, I have corrected it twice now stupid thing.


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